seeing ur family crushing into pieces when ur own mother tells u that she hates u. right in ur face. seeing her lie about facts to make u look bad in front of ur another hope: Dad. and finally when he too, turn against u. and my sis is kinda stuck in between this game of tug-of-war. one side, me myself and i. the other side, both my parents. i'm life is so screwed up. death seems so near. sitting in my room, the window is just next to me. all the wat ifs started surround me again. wat if i stand at the window and plurge down? wat if i took over-dose of sleeping pills? wat if i left home and never come back again? how will they react? a wish fulfilled? she told me that she wished that she had strangled me to death when i was born. not once, not twice. many times. yes i'm plurging into the pits of depression. suicide is near. so near. he's the only reason why i'm holding on now. becuz of the promises that he gave me.

PRAYER. can You hear me? will i ever have those experiences and encounters? can You see i'm crying and screaming out for help?
nobody sees. nobody realise. this is when i realise that i'm all alone.